I had a couple of weeks that were emotionally challenging, and despite many years of learning to work with my emotions and find healthy coping mechanisms, I felt a sense of what I can only describe as a relapse that I hadn’t felt in MONTHS. Worry that it WAS a relapse of course compounded the catastrophe of emotions. I felt myself wanting to use food as a coping mechanism. Which, from time to time is fine–I DO allow myself to do that once in a while, and do so mindfully, and the occasional times I don’t do so mindfully I find a way to forgive myself. However, I found myself falling back into old emotional patterns that led me to want to engage in old behaviors of overeating.
The only thing I could ask myself was “what is going on???” and I felt pressure to “figure it out”.
After several days, I remembered.
During those several days my attempt to ‘overcome this thing’ included rigid attempts at self-care: positive self-talk, reading inspirational things, talking to my friends and exercising. And still the emotional storm persisted… and I ate.
Here I was trying to “do” all these things on a list that usually help me work through emotions. What I reaaallly needed was to BE with the emotions. I thought that ‘being with the emotions’ was a skill I had developed and could pull out of my back pocket and simply apply where needed at any given moment. Nope.
What my nervous system needed, what my emotions needed, what my physiology needed…was meditation. At the time, the absolute LAST thing I wanted to do was SIT with those emotions—I mean, who really wants to sit and FEEL those nasty things…. it’s much easier to distract myself from them or will them away or jog them out.
Or is it?
So instead of meditating, I started reading ABOUT meditation. After reading several articles and reading about the science behind what happens in our bodies and our brains with a regular meditation practice– how neural networks are re-wired, how the way the brain structure can change to reduce anxiety and depression, how inflammation is reduced, stress hormones are reduced, etc. (things I already knew, but apparently needed to be reminded) I started getting motivated to sit. So, I decided to sit just for 10 minutes.
Instantly my nervous system thanked me….within a few moments those emotions and body sensations I had been trying to get to go away were allowed to just be there, to exist, to be given attention without me making judgments about them, without me wishing they weren’t there. Instead, I was just curious about them, softened into them and allowed them to be….and they subsided.
Whew.
This is not a new experience for me. This is what I teach in one-on-one sessions and in the mindful eating groups; it’s a skill I have practiced while seated in meditation many times (hence why it’s easier to use when out and about in daily life)…but it had been lost. I needed re-calibration.
The long-lasting way to stop overeating is through this re-calibration process, through this stress-reduction process, what is also called meditation. It’s not a super quick-fix solution. But it’s a REAL solution. The more you meditate, the more emotionally resilient you become. Mechanisms in your brain change (yes, your brain literally GROWS in new areas) so you become more flexible, meaning less knee-jerk reactions, i.e. a beeline to the fridge. You become more intuitive, therefore more “tuned-in” to what your body needs (it could be leafy greens, not chocolate) and what your real emotional needs are…and what you ACTUALLY need to meet those needs. You have lowered stress hormones pulsating through your body, therefore a greater sense of ease. The good news is you can see those changes in your brain with practicing for as little as 15-20 minutes a day. You can gain a sense of calm with even practicing for 1 minute at a time.
So I made a commitment to re-engage my meditation practice and to sit for the next 30 days for at least 20 minutes a day. This either means 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the evening, or 20 minutes all at once. I’m on day 3, and I can already feel the difference, and I love the idea that my brain networks are strengthening. If you have a similar experience, where your emotions seem to control you for days, I would highly, highly recommend starting a mediation practice. There are many, many resources out there, including my Intuitive Eating groups. In upcoming posts, I’ll dig deeper into some meditation techniques. If you want to learn more about the neuroscience around mindfulness, The Mindful Brain by Dan Siegel is a great book.
To your sense of peace,
Meredith