Emotional Eating and Vulnerability 2

Can you be vulnerable?

I recently watched a TED talk by Brene Brown titled “The Power of Vulnerability”. I had seen it a couple of times before, but this time it moved me in a new and meaningful way.  I would encourage you to watch it. I think many people associate vulnerability with “weakness”, or should I say, CONFUSE it with weakness.  Vulnerability is definitely scary. It can mean that we are taking a risk. A risk of being hurt, or rejected because we’re being SEEN and perhaps people won’t like what they see. But as it turns out, it can also mean that we’re taking a risk to experience profound joy.

In her years and years of research and interviewing thousands of people, Dr. Brown found out  that what differentiates people who have a sense of worthiness and a strong sense of love and belonging from those who don’t is that they BELIEVE they are WORTHY of love and belonging. These people who have a deep sense of worthiness have some things in common: COURAGE. They have the courage to be imperfect. They have compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others. They have connection with others—but this connection is a result of AUTHENTICITY. They are willing to let go of who they think they “should” be in order to be who they ARE. She says that we MUST do that for connection. What made them vulnerable made them beautiful.  The willingness to be vulnerable—to do something when there are no guarantees– wasn’t described by these people as comfortable nor excruciating—simply necessary.

For anyone out there who has ever struggled with emotional eating:  we NUMB vulnerability with food. We live in a vulnerable world, but we deal with it by numbing it—we can numb it with many things, but since I write about wellness and eating, I will mention how we numb it with food. However, what she found out was that WE CAN NOT SELECTIVELY NUMB EMOTION—we  can’t numb the tough emotions such as grief, shame, vulnerability, fear and disappointment .…without  also numbing joy, gratitude and happiness. Then we’re numb and feeling discontent so we’re looking for purpose and meaning, therefore are vulnerable, so we numb THAT with food (or alcohol or whatever) so it becomes a vicious cycle.

When it comes to ‘avoiding’ emotional eating by finding a “replacement” behavior to soothe emotions (whether it be a bath, a walk, listening to music, etc.) rather than eating and when that just doesn’t seem to be enough, consider that there’s a deeper layer to be unpeeled beyond “managing the emotion”:

• LET YOURSELF BE SEEN. Deeply seen. Vulnerably seen. Love with your whole heart, even though there are no guarantees. In those moments of terror, practice gratitude and joy.
• BE AUTHENTIC. Remember that what others think of you is their business, not yours. There is so much freedom and love in being genuinely authentic.
• BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE ENOUGH. When we work from a place that says “I am enough” we are kinder and gentler to ourselves and the people around us. When we are kinder and gentler to ourselves we have less of a desire to numb with food.
• CULTIVATE THE COURAGE TO BE IMPERFECT. You may just find that you not only love yourself more, but you also connect better with others. When you connect better with others, you feel love and therefore you are not seeking love from food.

This is not easy. But it IS extremely powerful and can radically change your life. If you don’t know HOW to just “be” vulnerable, or how to believe that you are worthy, I am here to help you, so please contact me!

To watch the whole talk:

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